So, here I am again, in LA.
And I am so privilleged and happy about that!
A lot has been happening in the few days that I’ve been here.
I’m getting the best education in this field, without a doubt.
I’m of course talking about the acting studio, AMAW, that I often praise.
I don’t mean to single out one school/workshop from another, but for me, it’s just the perfect methodical “method” for me, the way they teach.
I meet so many interesting and talented people here! They are so brave, like I’ve ever seen before!
Everyone inspires me
As an actor/performer, you have to leave all your prejudices and park the ego by the door, before entering this world.
You HAVE to! Otherwise why even bother to come at all? ( Sounds so easy, it’s far from!!)
Every time I get back to “work” here, I get beyond amazed by the talent and bravery by everyone! Everyone steps up with whatever they are going through in life, and they use it in their work. So I just sit back and watch them reveal themselves and pour out their inner demons etc!
My stomach turns and aches, I laugh and cry with them.
Every single one impresses me and inspire me so deeply! I feel their emotions in every part of me, every single one of my cells are feeling their pain, suffering, happiness, love, loss, and so on.
I feel they carry themselves so beautifully, and I have enormous respect for them and for their work!
I just tend to forget in that moment, they too are human, and this is what they go through in their everyday life. We all do. I know.
They just seem SO confident!
But they are not always that confident, they too go through life with the fear of not being enough and all the “what if’s”.
I know – We all go through life having these feelings, and thats just how it goes.
And perhaps even more, when you want something so bad, that if you don’t get it, it feels like it’s almost a loss.
I’m pretty sure I’ll feel these emotions my entire life.
If you weren’t aware by now, I’m a pretty sensitive soul, but I tend to look very tough, or at least I might seem really confident, and like I don’t have worries at all, if you dont know me.
I feel like im “improving” or perhaps it just because I’m as not scared to let go anymore.
All I know is that it feels more right than before.
Even though I don’t take acting lessons for periods of time, especially when I’m back in Denmark, I really feel that life is teaching me so much, that I can transfer it to my acting.
I truly believe that the most important lessons are the ones you are given in your every day life.
What you do with them, is really up to you. But why not use it in your acting?
Do it with love. Always!!
Thats what I’m learning, little by little.
I’m never satisfied with myself
One thing I have realised or it is being more and more illuminated for me, is that I’m not really ever satisfied with what I do.
Someone could tell me, that I’m talented in my work, and I automatically think with one part of my brain (obviously the wrong part) “Naaah thats not right, he/she’s just saying it for fun/where are the hidden cameras??”
I can ALWAYS do better and more. Which of course is true!
But come on!!
It’s pretty frustrating to be that critical of yourself all the time.
I dont wish to be that kind of person who can’t acknowledge when I actually do a great job.
But I guess I’ll be her for a little while- At least until I crack the code.
Cut yourself some slack!
But seriously, have some fun, while you’re at it!
Especially when it’s in class – It’s a safe space, and it’s alright to F..k up!
I have done a fair share of different and exciting scenes while I’ve been here, with different scene partners every time and with different teachers.
Previously I would have been sooooo nervous!
New class, no one knows me, and I don’t know how the teacher teaches.
I would have wanted to not show up, or ruuuuuun as fast as I could, before even getting in the door!
I mean it’s hard enough to reveal yourself to people you know!
Welcome “FEAR OF NOT BEING ENOUGH” – now please leave!!
Last year, when I was in LA, I met the teacher Tamara – I knew her a little as the actor Tamara, but I did not realize what I signed up for, when I deliberately chose to partake in her class…
Very soon, after the panic attack vanished, I found it to be one of my best decisions in a long time
She managed to get me to come out of my shell – I didn’t really have a choice! Really!!!
Every time a class ends we do something called “cap” – Which basically is saying what/who you found inspiring that day.
Who/what had a big impact on you?
After my first class with Tamara I told her: “Thank you for being an exceptional teacher, and had I known you were crazy, and all over the place, I would NEVER have chosen this class, so thank you for that!”
Of course it’s funny, but at the same time, I really meant it!!
I had NEVER EVER shown up in that class.
I won’t let fear control me
After that 1 time in her class I have chosen to not let the fear control me, when it comes to classes. And actually in several areas of my life as well.
Something else, I have learned, actually through singing lessons, I do through an online course.
Before each class I simply tell myself that it’s okay to let go. That it’s going to be okay.
Then I thank my body for wanting to be there for me, and wanting to keep me safe and protected.
I know it might seem a little hocus pocus, but this really works for me!
Yes, I still get nervous, but it makes my body relax more. If I get scared again, then I just repeat it again.
The phrase “let it go” really has some power to it! Try it out!
After saying this, I listen to my body, and then I listen to my partner (I try to listen to him/her – not always it works. And then turn to text.
Be present and listen
As Tamara said last time I was in class: “You’re not here to do a perfect job, you’re here to make mistakes, to learn new things, to explore”
It’s so nice to be reminded of this because it’s really hard to just be, when you’re in your head, and all you want is for it to be perfect and pretty, and just want to impress.
Btw, perfect is really boring!! Just sayin’.